You are currently viewing My Top 10 Takeaways from The Seven Principles That Make Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

My Top 10 Takeaways from The Seven Principles That Make Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

Can you recommend a book for…?”

“What are you reading today?”

“What are your favorite books?”

I’m often asked those kinds of questions and, as an avid reader and all-around bibliophile, I’m always happy to oblige.

I also want to encourage people to read as much as possible because knowledge benefits you like compound interest. The more you learn, the more you know; the more you know, the more you can do; the more you can do, the more opportunities you have to succeed.

So, if you are a bookworm looking for good reads, or if you want to get used to reading, this is for you.

Okay, let’s get to the featured book: The Seven Principles for a Successful Marriage by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver.

The Seven Principles for a Successful Marriage is a practical, evidence-based book for strengthening a romantic relationship by improving communication, better conflict management, and building trust and intimacy.

If you are new to dating someone and still in the “infatuation stage” of the relationship or have been together for a long time but don’t have kids yet, you may not see this book and others like it. very useful.

But, when the passion fades – and it often does – the relationship can wither if we don’t do the right things, especially when life is more stressful due to children, career obligations, etc.

And what are those “right things”? That’s where this book can help.

It will not provide all the answers, of course, and you may find some of the advice in the book obvious and intuitive, but you may also learn new and easy ways to improve your relationship through just add or change some key features.

Let’s go to the takeaways.

My 10 Key Takeaways from Seven Principles for a Successful Marriage


“In the strongest marriage, husband and wife have a deep sense of meaning. They don’t just ‘go together’—they also support each other’s hopes and dreams and build a sense of purpose in their lives together.


“In marriage people from time to time make what I call ‘bids’ for their partner’s attention, affection, humor, or support. People either turn to each other after these bids or they turn away. Dating is the basis of emotional connection, romance, love, and a good sex life.


“In our long-term study of 130 newly married couples, now in their eighth year, we found that, even in the first few months of marriage, men who allow their wives to -influence them have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce than men who resist their wives’ influence. According to statistics, if a man is not willing to share power with his partner, there is an 81 percent chance that his marriage will self-destruct.


“Over the course of their marriage, they learn to see their partners’ flaws and quirks as fun parts of the whole package of their partner’s character and personality.”


“Conflict resolution is not about changing someone, it’s about negotiation, finding common ground and ways you can accommodate each other.”


“Keep working on your unresolved conflicts. Couples who demand their marriage are more likely to have deeply satisfying relationships than those who lower their expectations.”


“Recognizing and respecting each other’s deepest, most personal hopes and dreams is the key to saving and improving your marriage.”


“Separations. Make sure that before you say goodbye in the morning you’ve learned about something that happened in your spouse’s life that day—from lunch with the boss to a doctor’s appointment to a scheduled phone call with a old friend Time: 2 minutes a day × 5 working days Total: 10 minutes

“Reunions. Be sure to engage in a stress-reducing conversation at the end of each work day (see page 87). Time: 20 minutes a day × 5 days Total: 1 hour 40 minutes

“Praise and praise. Find ways every day to express genuine love and appreciation to your spouse. Time: 5 minutes per day × 7 days Total: 35 minutes

“Feel. Kiss, hold, hold, and touch each other during your time together. Be sure to kiss each other before going to bed. Think of that kiss as a way to get rid of any little annoyances that created throughout the day. In other words, tie your kiss to your partner’s forgiveness and tenderness. Time: 5 minutes per day × 7 days Total: 35 minutes

“Weekly date. It can be a relaxed, low-pressure way to stay connected. Ask each other questions that will allow you to update your love maps and turn to each other. (Of course, you can also use these dates to discuss a marital issue or resolve an argument you had that week, if necessary.) Think of questions to ask your partner (such as “Have you thought about decorating also in the bedroom?” “Where are we going on our next vacation?” or “How are you feeling about your boss these days?”). Time: 2 hours once a week Total: 2 hours

Total: Five hours!”


“And, let’s face it: Anyone you marry lacks some desirable qualities. The problem is that we tend to focus on what our spouse lacks and forget the good qualities that are there—we ignore them.”


“Before you try to resolve the conflict, remember that the basis of any compromise is the fourth principle of marriage—accepting influence. This means that for a compromise to work, you must not be closed-minded to your partner’s opinions and desires. You don’t have to agree with everything your partner says or believes, but you should be honestly open to considering his or her position.

have you read The Seven Principles for a Successful Marriage? What do you think? Got something else to share? Let me know in the comments below!

The post My Top 10 Takeaways from The Seven Principles That Make Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver appeared first on Legion Athletics.

Leave a Reply